Fallen
by lynxzpanther
Summary: Angsty Jogan drabble. Songfic for Sarah McLachlan's Fallen.


_AN: Just a Jogan drabble-fic that I wrote a few weeks ago when I was bored and doing homework. I put it on tumblr then, but I edited it yesterday and decided to post it here as well. _

_Disclaimer: I disclaim. ;) I'm nowhere near brilliant enough to have written Dalton, anyway. _

* * *

><p>The soft sound of music reached Julian's ears as he climbed the stairs of the otherwise quiet Stuart House. He cursed his luck that there would be music coming from Logan's room at the moment he returned; while Logan was <em>always <em>playing music, he usually limited it to his iPod unless…

Jules slowed as he caught the sound of Logan's voice joining the piano. Curiosity piqued even as he swore at himself for it, Julian continued walking until he stopped adjacent to the door of the boy who had dragged him out of a burning building and avoided him since. Jules' heart would have likely shattered if he'd had the emotional capacity to feel more than numbness.

Pushing aside the thoughts, the actor instead focused on the song, the only window into Logan's mind.

_Truth be told I've tried my best  
>But somewhere along the way<br>I got caught up in all there was to offer  
>And the cost was so much more than I could bear<em>

Julian vaguely recognized the song after a few moments; it was one by that singer who did the sad animal abuse commercial that was always, always playing.

Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
>I have sunk so low<br>I messed up  
>Better I should know<br>So don't come round here  
>And tell me I told you so...<p>

Logan had messed up, maybe, but hadn't they both? Both of them had made mistakes that hurt others, and Julian's had been far worse—he'd inadvertently caused someone's death, something that damn psychologist he refused to talk to had told him would make him feel guilty for the rest of his life, as if he couldn't have figured that out for himself. In the light of how seriously Julian had fucked up, who would think to tell Logan 'I told you so'?

_We all begin with good intent  
>Love was raw and young<br>We believed that we could change ourselves  
>The past could be undone<br>But we carry on our backs the burden  
>Time always reveals<br>In the lonely light of morning  
>In the wound that would not heal<br>It's the bitter taste of losing everything  
>That I've held so dear.<em>

Julian didn't want to think that Logan was thinking about him; Logan shouldn't be thinking about him, not now, not after everything, and not when Julian was planning on running away and never coming back. Logan wasn't allowed to start caring _now, _just because he knew his best friend's secret.

I've fallen...  
>I have sunk so low<br>I messed up  
>Better I should know<br>So don't come round here  
>And tell me I told you so...<p>

Besides, in some twisted way, Julian really believed that his heartbreak _was _his penance for the damage he'd caused; if he wasn't suffering from this, how would he ever smooth out the gashes his mistakes had made?

_Heaven bend to take my hand  
>Nowhere left to turn<br>I'm lost to those I thought were friends  
>To everyone I know<br>Oh they turn their heads embarrassed  
>Pretend that they don't see<br>But it's one missed step  
>One slip before you know it<br>And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed_

Ironically, the song fit his own feelings so much better than it could possibly fit Logan's. But these were things he didn't want to feel, thoughts he didn't want to think. He was willing to run countries to get away from them, but damn it all, he could never tear himself away from Logan's side.

Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
>I have sunk so low<br>I messed up  
>Better I should know<br>So don't come round here  
>And tell me I told you so...<p>

Julian refused to accept it as the apology or regret it may have been. He wouldn't go to Logan first; the prefect obviously hadn't wanted to come to him. Logan embodied everything that Julian couldn't face, so the actor forced himself away from the door before the song could finish.

_Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
>I have sunk so low<br>I messed up  
>Better I should know<br>So don't come round here  
>And tell me I told you so...<em>

Julian's own door clicked shut as the song ended, and he began grabbed the bags Derek had packed for him a week ago, before… everything. There was no sound from Logan's room as Julian reentered the hall, and he made no sound as he left.

He never looked back.


End file.
